just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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