I just pynch a tree in the face
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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