He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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