fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
