Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize