So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
