Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
