Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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