am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
