No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
