I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
