3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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