I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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