One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
