I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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