I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
