I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
