Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Barsexuality is the new black.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
