Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
