First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
