i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
