He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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