he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
