Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
