This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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