I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
is wine microwaveable?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
