apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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