Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
