Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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