i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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