be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize