i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
