I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize