i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
