So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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