Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
