oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
