If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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