She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
