I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize