I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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