you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
