Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
