You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
