I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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