wat bout pragnant strippers??
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
