goodnight i made you a song goodbye
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
