You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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