am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
