I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Farmville is her only friend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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