I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize