Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
