We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
