In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
