I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
