who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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