I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
