38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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