your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
