So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize