New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize