That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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