So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
