Pappa wants mamma naked
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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