he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
