If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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