Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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