and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
