How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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