everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
