I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
