Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
