I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize