I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
