I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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