I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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