So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
