My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
