new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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